Facing My Hesitations

Wednesday was the last day of the first trimester of seminary this year. I have really enjoyed spending time with the special needs students again
It surprises me at how much of an impact it has had on my life. Thinking of this time last year is baffling to me. I was still struggling with my health problems that seemed that would never end. Then when the realization hit me that I was feeling healthier and almost 'normal' again was quite surprizing to me. That's all it took? Going to seminary? That's it? Seminary seems like such a small thing that wouldn't make that much difference, but to me it made a world of a difference. Not only was I being spiritually strengthened but PHYSICALLY. I would not have truely believed that it was possible. But, one thing that I have learned is that 'with God all things are possible'. From last years experience I knew that I definetely wanted to help in special needs seminary again this year. It has been a blessing. We are studying the New Testiment this year. I am already fairly familiar with New Testiment from taking it my first year of seminary but I have learned as lot more this year than I would have thought I would. I'm thankful for this. I have fully enjoyed studying Christ's life and am more appreciative of what he has done for me. We had Testimony meeting on Wedensday. I haven't borne my testimony in front of a group in a while for a number of reasons. I hate to admit this but lately part of me began to question whether it was all true.It was a big battle inside myself; struggling between the part that knew with certainty that it was true and the small part that doubted. I guess we all have this trial of our faith in our lives but i don't think I was prepared for me to question so much. Thankfully, seminary has helped reassure me that it IS true. All of it. I am proud to say "I'm a mormon! I KNOW it, I live it, I love it!" -Sister Dawson, October 2012 General Conference.
Now during the testimony meeting, my mind was reeling. I found myself asking within myself 'what is holding you back?' to that I responded with a weak reply 'I don't want to vry in front of the group' which is one of those traits of mine that I dont appreciate as much. You see when I cry (and i usually do when talking about my testimony or other things that are close to my heart) my heart races, i get shakey, and I cam hardly talk.  So in my mind that was a logical reason to not bear my testimony. But even then there was still the nudge of the Holy Ghost wanting me to convinceyself to go up and share my testimony. So my mind turned to President Monsons advice of standing up for your beliefs even if your the only one and I adkef myself  ' If Jesus Christ was hear wouldn't he want me to testify of him? This is one way that I can repay him and maybe it can even strengthen others wavering testimonies.' I foumd myself standing and once I was up, there was no stopping. I went up and fumbled through the tears and shaking and shared my testimony. Im not sure if anyone could understand what I was trying to say but it doesn't really matter.  It felt so good to share it again. I am very grateful for the little nudge of the spirit and the opportunity that I had that day.
So if your faith is struggling just know that there is always an end. If we trust in Christ, he will help us through our trials.

Finals

This year has kindof been a struggle for me trying to keep up with my schoolwork. Just when I feel like I have caught up, I find that I'm falling behind again. It doesn't help that my teacher doesn't answer my questions either. I want to stay focused and get the work done but it has been such a challenge. To top it all off this week is my finals for two of my three classes. I'll just try to stay positive and rely on the Lord for help and hopefully I'll make it through.

Hard times.

I feel a need to write. The last few weeks have not been easy for me. Dealing with our puppies having parvo and other issues. They have stressed me out and gotten me down. Some of my insicurities are coming back and I don't like it. It's been hard for me to face them with a positive attitude. It seems when I try to let go of the past and get over a trial, something keeps that trial in my life. Maybe there is something bigger that I need to learn from this, but I just can't seem to find that lesson.

You know that song "Mean" by Taylor Swift? I feel like that explains my feelings from the last couple of weeks. (If you haven't listened to it, I suggest you do.)

I want to be a happy outgoing person who can just let go and have fun. But it's hard for me right now. I just want to break down, cry, and sleep for days. That's not going to help this situation though is it?

I'm trying to look at trials with this quote in mind:
"Don't be bitter, be BETTER!"

I don't know how to put things without offending someone or putting something the wrong way. It is never my intent to hurt people but I feel like I'm getting blamed for something I didn't do. When I voice my opinion about the situation it seems like it just gets worse. On the other hand, If I keep my feelings to myself, It just gets worse. So what do I do? Truthfully I'm still lost.

People have said to drop the situation but I'm just having a tremendously hard time with it. It's been hard trying to voice my opinions and them be shot down before I can get my whole view out.

Again, these are just MY thoughts and feelings. I have no intent on blaming others. I'm sorry if I'm hurting someones feelings putting this on my blog but it is MY blog. Not someone elses. I NEED my feelings out and I need someone else to read this so I feel like I'm not alone in all of this.

I'm very very grateful for those of you who I have already talked to and have been supportive. I know your there for me.

So for this week, I'm going to try my hardest to look for the better. To count all the blessings that I have. For all the special moments that I have of my life. Of lessons that are out there waiting for me to hear them and learn from them.

p.s.- all puppies are doing okay now.

This post is for me. thats all. Take it or leave it. I needed it.

I love you because...

I don't tell people I love them as often as I should. I really do care about others and think about how much better my life is because of them...you :). I need to be better at this. There are so many people that I love and deeply care about. Whether you are my family members, friends, neighbors, or someone I just met; you all mean so much to me. I love you all. There are so many reasons too. Some listen to me when I just need to talk or they need me to listen to them talk-which I love because I truely enjoy that feeling of being needed and helping others. Sometimes, it could be because you just said "Hi" to me or even just gave me a smile. So, I just want everyone to know that....I LOVE YOU!!! every one of you!! I'll try to be better at telling you guys "I love you" more often.

I hope everyone has a good THURSDAY NIGHT!!!! I am pretty sure I will!!
LOVE Kim  

Time for more pics...

 -Above- Lavender!!

 -below- Pear tree blossoms with bees on some

-below- This is an AMAZING picture! I just love it!!!

(p.s.- i didn't even know I took this until I looked at the pictures a little while later)

 -below-Pretty blossoms

 I LOVE this kitty's pretty blue eyes

 -Below Pics- ASPARAGUS PICKING!!!!!!!

 We've got Rhubarb coming out of our ears! :)

It's Spring Time!!

Oh how I love this time of year. It is so refreshing to see the bright colors of spring after looking at white snow in the winter time. So here are some pics of spring that I have taken so far....Enjoy!!

Simply Lazy Day

Today was a pretty lazy day for me but boy did it feel good.
My day condsisted of:

• Seminary
• Lunch
• Watched a few episodes of 'Being Erika'-I love this show!!!!
• Played with the puppies
• Went outside and hung out with my bigger dogs(so they wouldn't be left out)
• Came inside watched more 'Being Erika'
• Played with puppies some more
• Dinner

And that is my day so far but I loved it. It feels nice to be done with my classes and have a break for a little while. I know I should have been more productive but, I spent today relaxing and it was a plus.

Idaho Falls Rock show weekend!!

I have been feeling a lot better this week. You know, sometimes you need to let your feelings out and talk about it. Even if you are worried about hurting the other persons feelings. They can't help solve the problem if you don't tell them what is going on. I'm grateful that I have such amazing people in my life who don't judge me and so willingly want to help me feel good.

So now this weekend is the Idaho Falls Gem and Mineral Show. Yesterday (Saturday) was the first day, and for me, It was an excellent day. I did have a lot of fun. Good company and Good show overall. It amazes me how much a little positive thinking( or negative thinking) at the beggining of your day can effect the rest of your day.

Today is the last day and I'm looking forward to it. I really enjoy the Rock shows. :) They just make me happy. It also reminds me of my Grandpa and Grandma Keppner. They always used to take me and a couple of my sisters, so it's nice to have a reminder of them at the rock shows. Of course now I'm actually participating in them helping with the Flint knapping demonstration which I also love.

SO, I hope everybody enjoys the rest of your  weekend!!!!

Hard week

Truthfully this week has been hard for me. I feel sad and I don't know how to shake it. I hoped that tonight would have made it a little better but it didn't. I hate it when I hope something will go really well and all I get is disappointment. Hopefully I can figure out something that will kick this feeling.

Changes

It been a long time since I posted on here. There have been some changes in my life. I turned 18 in November so now i 'graduated' from Young Womens and I got a new calling in(drum roll please)......Nursery!!! Truthfully I love my calling. I'm so grateful for the opportunity of feeling like I am actually needed in the ward. I enjoy getting to know the little ones more and see how smart they can all be. It is mindblowing just how smart they are.

I'm so blessed in my life. I have the best family and friends. I love all of you!! I'm sorry if I haven't expressed that to you guys as much as I should. I'll try to be better about that.

The last week has been rough for me. I have had a severe sinus infection and a bad cough. I'm getting better but it feels like it's just dragging on and on. I'm just glad it's nothing to do with my stomache again.

Actually, I have been feeling pretty good lately (minus this last week). I just started up some new classes for school. I'm taking a Personal Fitness class and work-out almost everyday. It has made a significant difference in my life. I  never knew how much a little exercise could do in my overall health. It has deffinately been such a good blessing in my life. I hope to continue going to the gym even after my class ends because I've made such good progress. I lost 5 1/2 inches around my waist in just the first week so I call that a success!
ps; I'm sorry if  this post looks a little jumbled...my head doesn't want to work very hard today. :)